I was born green

I was born green,

Representing fertility, demonstrating youth and promising happiness.

I often felt lacking, finding myself explain what I was and who I was.

I felt the need to paint my flowers brighter and remove the ones that I didn’t think were desirable.

I was green.

I was jealous, jealous of those who just were.

I insidiously became a different shade of green.  Became envious, envious of those that flowered brighter and envious of those that had no flowers but stood proudly.

The shame of desiring excessively to be accepted, loved and adored turned me red.  Slowly but readily changed me.

I turned harder after accepting that I wasn’t my potential or what everyone thought I represented.

With each self-acceptance I drew new hard-edged lines that consumed me and took away my colours.

I felt liberated as more saw me as I’ve always felt- lacking vibrance, eaten away, consumed, hanging on with the threat of falling.

I am free now, free without the shackle of expectations and free to fall.

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